It’s time to end the shaming of the Porn Industry and those who work in it.

This is a subject I’ve written about before, but due to recent events I feel the need to address it again. Shame is something we cannot ignore or pretend doesn’t exist. Unfortunately shame is all too prevalent in today’s society and is used as a means of taking away people’s dignity and sense of worth. And that must stop. Now. Shame is something that many transgender people, including me, have struggled with; I felt ashamed and embarrassed about myself for most of my life. But I had finally, finally moved past that and felt good about myself and my life. Unfortunately someone recently tried to make me feel ashamed because I work in the Porn Industry, and the sad part is that it was my own son and his wife. I was made to feel ashamed because I did porn and because of my association with people in the industry and the people who enjoy porn. I struggled with what they said about me and I questioned everything about myself and who I was, and let that bring me back down to the dark place I worked so hard to escape from. I let them make me feel ashamed. And that is not okay. Shame kills. Shame eats away at the core of who we are and makes us question everything. It leads to depression. It leads to suicide. It leads to hate, especially the worst kind of hate; hating ourselves.

I am still the same person I have always been; in fact, I would say I’m a better person now because I’m happy. I’m still kind and caring, I still have the same morals and values, and I still treat people with respect. None of that has changed because I did porn. What has changed is that I’ve gained a ton of self-confidence, I learned how to love myself, I found happiness, and I found my passion in life; to be a strong voice for my community and my industry. None of those changes would have been possible if I hadn’t been welcomed into an industry that accepted me for who I am and shown me nothing but respect and support, and most of all, love.

Society still clings to the outdated stereotypes about people who work in the Adult Entertainment Industry. Please take note of the word ENTERTAINMENT; we are providing a product for the entertainment of our customers. Period. We are not corrupting society. Pornography involving consenting adults is legal, and in the eyes of this country’s judicial system it has not been deemed immoral. If people choose to think porn is immoral then fine, that’s their prerogative; this is America and we’re all entitled to our beliefs and opinions. But what is wrong is trying to impose your views on others and to shame them because you don’t agree with their views or actions. Prop 60 in California gave us a glaring example of what shame looks like when it’s used to push a personal agenda against a certain group of people. It was not pretty. Thankfully the citizens of California weren’t swayed by all the misinformation and propaganda and voted to defeat the measure. And really, aren’t there more pressing issues to worry about than porn?

So let’s talk about stereotypes. Working in the Porn Industry does not make us perverts. I’m pretty sure there are way more politicians and priests than pornstars who are in prison for molesting children. Just because we feel good about our bodies and about sex and we choose to make a living in the porn industry does not make us bad people; that says more about your lack of tolerance and understanding than it does about our character. The human body is a beautiful thing which has been celebrated in art and culture for centuries, and sex is a natural and enjoyable part of life; if you choose to view those as dirty or perverted then it’s your loss.

Working in porn does not mean we are unintelligent, ignorant, or unmotivated. I have friends in the industry who have graduate degrees and successful careers working in Corporate America. Many of us are Veterans. I also have friends who didn’t graduate from high school, but that does not diminish their value as a person or their ability to be successful. Porn is like any other job; you get out of it what you put in. And I have met many people in this industry who have become very successful through hard work and determination, and they have earned my respect. We are artists, photographers, models, writers, cartoonists, business owners, web designers, musicians, system administrators, public speakers, activists, actors, nurses, educators, and a million other things beyond what you choose to see.

Working in porn does not make someone a slut. We all have varying attitudes about sex, just like any other group of people. I personally am pretty old-fashioned when it comes to sex; I don’t jump into bed with just anyone, and truth be told, I can’t honestly remember the last time I had sex. I still have the same morals and values I had before I did porn. And not to be redundant, but once again, porn is a business. The fact that someone has sex in front of a camera is in no way reflective of who they as a person or their sexual habits or their morals. We’re in the 21st century; haven’t we figured out by now that sex is okay and that there’s nothing wrong with being open about the fact that you enjoy it?

The Adult Entertainment Industry is a business which provides jobs to many people and produces a product for our customers. And judging by the popularity of porn in its various forms and the revenue it generates, I’d say there are a whole lot of people who enjoy their porn, and that isn’t going to change anytime soon. Porn is not going away, and neither are we, the people who work hard to provide you with a quality product for your entertainment. So deal with it.

And finally, and most importantly, what gives you the right to judge me or anyone else? Let me answer that: you DO NOT have the right to judge or to shame anyone. Period. I am proud of who I am and feel privileged to be part of the transgender community and the Adult Entertainment Industry. As with any industry or group of people there is both good and bad; we aren’t perfect, but we are genuine and don’t pretend to something we’re not. We are people who care, who are active in our communities, who volunteer, and who work to make our world a better place. If you can’t see me for who I am and get past your stereotypes and your narrow-minded views, then it’s your loss. I refuse to be shamed. I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad about myself or what I do. Becca Benz may have a good-sized following on social media but that is only one small part of who I am as a person. I am still and will always be Rebecca Pell. I am still the same father who has loved my sons every single day of their lives. I am still the same grandma who loves her beautiful grandson. I am still my mom’s daughter. I am still ME.

I will forever struggle with losing my son’s love and knowing he is ashamed of me; I still love him and his opinion will always matter to me. But I know who I am. I know I’m a good person. And I will continue to be a voice for my community and my industry. So, what happened to me now serves as my motivation to speak out and try to prevent others from being shamed and losing the love of people they care about. I will be focusing on working to educate society about the adult entertainment industry in hopes of breaking down the stereotypes and helping people to see who we really are. We are people. We matter. And we should not be shamed because of the industry we work in. Like me or don’t like me for who I am as a person, not because of my job.

I reject shame and hate; I choose love.